a.f. mansfield
poem works: ideas/thoughts/fragments
1981-1994-2003-2006
Copyright © 2007 af |
an autobiography
"an automobilia"
from here to there
there to here
and back again
dedication:
to those who:
loved me
could have
should have
tried to
almost did
were afraid to
almost didn't
and thought they did
an introduction
to nowhere
everywhere
somewhere
overthere
and underwear |
"to the reader":
may the fact that
i consider myself a writer/poet, of whatever the form should take, be
abandoned from your thinking from the outset.
what you read is
the cross ventilation, internal dialogue, and the deep search for
truth, survival and self expression from within myself. on the
surface everything seems ok....the surface is but a pane of glass and
to look through it; i took the risks and symbolically held the pen
and the gun to my head/thoughts in order to dig deeper into the
oceans of myself. it is of those oceans, at times more than not, that
produced the nightmares, the losing of what i once had...pushing to
points of emotional danger, taking the risks that always seemed
common to me, where boundaries are non-existent. i took the
"bandaids" off my heart/mind to allow the words to air
themselves. in doing so, what you read is/are the scabs of those
wounds and the scars that came from them. it is from them that i so
desperately tried to develop a language and a voice that seemed to be
my own. these fragments were written between march 19, 1981 up to the
present march, 1994--2003.
a.f. mansfield
poem works: copyright 2003 a.f.
"whispers"
june 8, 1991 4:30pm
i was half
screamed out of space; i was
whispers i
heard so far distant
wondered did i,
real; dream; or was it
myself calling
me back?
kissing the
clouds my mind was and so
kissed them i did!
my passions
rose beyond rose, i lifted
myself from
where i thought i was; had been
i embraced
those whispers, i did begin
as if love
itself was calling
i held them
gently tight; caressed each and every
pour of them;
felt their softness; their curves
their smoothes;
their rounds; their skin where bumps
rose from my
fingers touch; the wetness from where
it oozed
and came
stronger and closer; even the smell of them;
the whispers did
i enveloped
myself around those whispers; i did
they quivered;
they shivered; and fell soft into
my arms deep;
they did
and as the
night came closer to light of day
those whispers
began to say; as they faded way
i adore
you i so do love you more than more
and deeper than
love itself oceans of love
skies of
love you; my moon; my sun; my everlasting
starlight;
you are the day and night of me; you are
the winged
freedom bird above me; you are true of me
and "you
are my love" and "my love you are"
and softer and
softer and softer the whispers got
and i am here
and they now; "the whispers"; are not
|
"bleeding
heart" june 2, 1991 1:30pm
out my window
looking was i
as i held you in
my grasp
my bleeding heart flower
crumbled in my hand
you were dry
lifeless withered
but gentle your
pastel memory lives on
remember i
now d e w
when i first gazed
upon y o u
drooping reddish
purple and white
arching to the
ground from where you
grew
but far from outward sight
inspired as i
admired taken by you s t i l l
oh bleeding heart
what to me you d e w
hanging
wonderfully dew you only in spr i n g
bending and
reaching beyond you multi-colored
thing
you bring the
songs that only you can sing
you multi-colored
drooping beautiful thing
passionate
|
"bird
soar" march, 20,1991 9:44pm
glide bird high
soar as if you
owned the sky
your sharpened
talons hang
beneath that skin covered
fragile frame
and you await
your lofty perched nest
and your prey
your wings pick up
the thermals
as you make your way
and i watch with
great anticipation
magnificent in
your ease of air bound glory
you are truly
beautiful and you amaze me
you are the air
machine in freedom sky
you are freedom
and control in the boundless horizon
you are
bottomless, topless and slide easy,
as you flirt with
each gust as you make your way |
"first snow
thoughts" november 17, 1992 12:50pm
in the paradise of
my dreams
of you my thoughts
are about
i become taken
from within myself
the night becomes illuminated
the day unravels
and i surrender
to the thoughts
(what) of you, i do
the coldness of
the winters morning snow
chills the
"all" of me...and i am alone
uneasy and
nervously alone, i am
i feel you, the
"all" of you
from within my
fabric housed skin frame and
beneath every pore
of my being
i am captured
again in the thought of you
of you, from my
heart oozes the experience
of that i am
proud, joyed, just to have the
part of the
"all" of you, i am
winter's first
storm snow is outside my window
hazy white images,
frosted and falling to the ground
fogged and
immersed in the thought of you
the "all"
even beyond the "all" of you, i am, even/beyond; even
the oozes of my
thoughts are frozen, locked in the memory of you, now
the sky gray,
winter's first snow covers the ground
like love falls
the heart
yet sunshine
glistens heart/soul emotions and the "all" of it, it does
in a sea of
tangled emotions the horizon clouds swirl provoking
all that is above
and below, the "all" of me
the thoughts that
are about now; drift;
hopelessly
blackening/blue my dreams
and lost in the
moment it seems forever, i become speechless, deaf
and blinded by my
own eyes, eyes of that petal rose, i was
a rose in the
nantucket rain, of mist, sea-salty air, sand beneath my feet
and the
"all" of the breaker-waves white
and my thoughts
become locked-frozen in a dream world that seemed so real
so moonstruck, so
sun bathed, so careless of love and the surrender of it, it was
|
"i
would" august 1, 1991 12:45pm
enchanting song
caresses deep breath
within moon beams
silent eyes see
dreams bathed in
sunlight warm the
measures of my soul/thoughts
i touch; yet:
reach is to far distant;
inches become feet
and miles
of the
"what" of you
if ever i were of
you; i would
if ever i were of
you; again; what i would
if ever i were of
you; again; what i would; forever
forever; if i were
of you; i would; always; forever
if ever i were of you;
again
i
would
|
"flicker"
thursday, march 21, 1991 6:55pm
yellow throated,
red winged,
spotted flicker fly
quick, deliberate moves...
as you navigate
close the sky
you dart
your directions change
in quick flash
as you taunt
(hunt) (capture)
your prey
free you are
as wings spread
to glide,
to flirt with the
air (wind);
as you only thrust ahead
yellow throated flicker,
winged, spotted,
black and red
|
"rhapsody's";
4/26/99; 5:52pm.
rhapsody's of the
tomorrow seem close and
try's to emerge
attempting to fill the void
and the
"all" of life; peeks out to show us
her beauty
i we stand there,
speechless, motionless, searching
while the crying
soul/heart wonders/seeks
and now begins its
path to glimpse the distant light
that stars and
universe are made of
and the songs of
children brighten our hearts
and yes the
giggles, laughter and smiles
once again appear
and again all with flowing joy
for the soul can
reach the mountains high
and drift skyward
bound, beyond that, even
and now we enter
the new horizon; or least attempt to
allowing our
bodies/mind/heart/soul, to once again be
firmly planted on
the ground, and yes....
now we can see, oh yes
and now we can see
even further...even further than far
and even beyond
the eagles flight and the angels of our souls, oh yes, now we can see....
...and yes, once
more again; the angels protect us and our souls are cleansed
|
"humming
bird" june 23, 1991 1:50pm
humming bird
small, fast, lighting flash, intense
air quickens;
flutters as you speed your way
to flowers nectar;
then taken away
juices nectar
sweet, your heart pounding, immense
with each
pulsating beat
from sight your
gone just as rapidly as you came
your dreams
against the winds
your thoughts
storm as you travel
and force the
memories deep begins
begins that are
deep into what it was
and the heart
"pure" sweet as nectar
(deep)...it was
and was and was and still was |
"places"
april 18, 1991 5:15pm
magnificent places
i took you
in the pyramids
of my dreams
we were barefoot
had courage
and did not suffer
our roads were broad
phantoms of the darkness
and horrible
ghosts slept
as the multitude
of glittering
sun beams graced
our hearts
all with the
coming of spring
we were surrounded
by fertile fields
and blossoming orchards
|
i am the
stranger jan. 4, 2002
i am the stranger
you may never know
and still my faith
in romanticism allows me
the privilege to
dream, to feel, to hope, to desire,
to drift
to express my
emotions that are deep beneath this frame
and wonder i do,
more than not, can love,
universal love
that is...
conquer all,
deliver us to that place
where the angels
and the eagles dare to fly....
at least sometimes
for we all have
been in the fog, the mist, the rain,
the cloudy
horizons of friendship and of love
and enjoyed the
sweet smell of spring with it, around it,
throughout and
above it, the sideways of it, the crosswise of it,
the upside down
and downside up of it, we have, beyond it
and beyond that
even.....we have.....
at least is seemed
that way....maybe
and just maybe as
the the skyclouds open up
to provide for the
mellow golden sun to shine once more again....
i, you, we, the
all of the.... "us"
may be the
strangers you may come to know |
|
in the
thought of you december 24, 2001-1:16pm
in the thought of
you, i think of you,
my mind tumbles,
twirls, twists
the tears from my
face roll down slowly
drip upon my feet
and humble me
as if i need to be
placing myself
upon my knees and
ask, and pray and hope
not to be taken again
to that place of despair
i am immersed in
the thought of you
putting myself in
a place of romanticized danger
as in the past
a past that almost
took me
and would have
reduced me
to the dust from
where i came
my emotions unfold
and crystallize
as if the moon
dusted itself off and
the particles
coated my body white
trying to purify
and cleanse my soul
my body cold, soar
and aching for what
i have not at this
moment with you
the cacaos of my
thoughts and emotions
eat through the
layers of my body my frame
its' muscles, it's
skin, it organs
and it's soul/heart
burn and tare
reducing me to a
place of no where
and a non-existing
self that trembles
fearing both the
light and the darkness
upon which my
feelings encompass me
circling me in the
totally of it's pain
profuse these
emotions are
which drive
relentlessly, incessantly
though the mere
fabric of who i am, was
could be or should
have been
|
"in
flight" part 2; april 9, 1992 2:09pm
in flight you are
in fields of the unexplained
and does your mind wonder
you the she hawk,
you winged lofty air machine warrior
and you
circle...black night in the gray of day
you are the jockey
of the wind and survival is your quest
as you glide in
the middle and side to side to the wind
your campaign in
flight is the air road to your dreams
but do you bathe
in the misery and intolerance
in the race of
time and survival
do you masquerade,
disguise or have deception
from what you see
or observe from above
in the providence
of your own heart, survival
can you not equate
the difference
is the campaign of
your flight so in oneness
and the wind makes
your course undefined
do you become
scarred as the wind becomes your jockey
your wings spread,
the wind pushes your providence
once in the middle
and then side to side,
and you become
nervous with each glide
the wind becomes
the heart ache in the black night
of the gray day in
the fields of the unexplained
and as you glide
are you past the point of rescue
you stay quiet
within the breezes of the wind and
yet you must
wonder....you must have dreams
and as you, the
lofty air winged machine warrior of the sky
you must wonder;
don't you, will the sun turn to coal
will you spend the
last days by yourself
|
"j
j" images may 25, 1997
images in the moon beams
a light that illuminates
the very soul of
the earth around me....now
a peace that arrives,
a tender, gentle
moon feeling
the despair is gone
life filters to
the edges again and beyond
to feel, smell the
sweet moon-white fragrance of you
i hold you....deep
in myself
deeper than deep
and beyond what deep could be even
i touch the face
that brings me closer
feeling your
language as your body reacts
jesus, damn you;
your hands leave me and become
away and tight
you achieve
another place and someone put you there me you
put your arms
around me...i say...for if you hold me
gentle i become
once more again..and remember
i am fragile just
like you, independent as you
wet with the smell
of you i am
and we both know
that the moon is silent
with all it beauty
and again the
light that illuminates you
the soul of you
the sweet fragrance
now turns as i leave
to the next day
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