poetry  

a.f. mansfield poem works: ideas/thoughts/fragments
1981-1994-2003-2006  Copyright © 2007 af
an autobiography
"an automobilia"
from here to there
there to here
and back again

dedication:
to those who:
loved me
could have
should have
tried to
almost did
were afraid to
almost didn't
and thought they did

an introduction
to nowhere
everywhere
somewhere
overthere
and underwear

 

"to the reader":

may the fact that i consider myself a writer/poet, of whatever the form should take, be abandoned from your thinking from the outset.
what you read is the cross ventilation, internal dialogue, and the deep search for truth, survival and self expression from within myself. on the surface everything seems ok....the surface is but a pane of glass and to look through it; i took the risks and symbolically held the pen and the gun to my head/thoughts in order to dig deeper into the oceans of myself. it is of those oceans, at times more than not, that produced the nightmares, the losing of what i once had...pushing to points of emotional danger, taking the risks that always seemed common to me, where boundaries are non-existent. i took the "bandaids" off my heart/mind to allow the words to air themselves. in doing so, what you read is/are the scabs of those wounds and the scars that came from them. it is from them that i so desperately tried to develop a language and a voice that seemed to be my own. these fragments were written between march 19, 1981 up to the present march, 1994--2003.

a.f. mansfield poem works:  copyright 2003  a.f.

 

"whispers"   june 8, 1991 4:30pm

i was half screamed out of space; i was
whispers i heard so far distant
wondered did i, real; dream; or was it
myself calling me back?
kissing the clouds my mind was and so
kissed them i did!
my passions rose beyond rose, i lifted
myself from where i thought i was; had been
i embraced those whispers, i did begin
as if love itself was calling
i held them gently tight; caressed each and every
pour of them; felt their softness; their curves 
their smoothes; their rounds; their skin where bumps
rose from my fingers touch; the wetness from where
it oozed 
and came stronger and closer; even the smell of them;
the whispers did
i enveloped myself around those whispers; i did
they quivered; they shivered; and fell soft into
my arms deep; they did
and as the night came closer to light of day
those whispers began to say; as they faded way
i adore you   i so do love you   more than more
and deeper than love itself   oceans of love 
skies of love   you; my moon;  my sun;  my everlasting 
starlight;  you are the day and night of me;  you are
the winged freedom bird above me;  you are true of me
and "you are my love" and "my love you are"
and softer and softer and softer the whispers got
and i am here and they now; "the whispers"; are not

 

"bleeding heart"   june 2, 1991 1:30pm 

out my window looking was i
as i held you in my grasp
my bleeding heart flower
crumbled in my hand
you were dry lifeless withered
but gentle your pastel memory lives on
remember i now         d e w
when i first gazed upon     y o u
drooping reddish purple and white
arching to the ground from where you 
grew           but far from outward sight
inspired as i admired taken by you      s t i l l
oh bleeding heart what to me         you d e w       
hanging wonderfully dew you only in  spr i n g
bending and reaching beyond you multi-colored
thing
you bring the songs that only you can sing
you multi-colored drooping beautiful thing 
                                                 passionate

 

"bird soar"   march, 20,1991 9:44pm

glide bird high
soar as if you owned the sky
your sharpened talons hang 
beneath that skin covered
fragile frame
and you await 
your lofty perched nest 
and your prey
your wings pick up the thermals 
as you make your way
and i watch with great anticipation 
magnificent in your ease of air bound glory
you are truly beautiful and you amaze me
you are the air machine in freedom sky
you are freedom and control in the boundless horizon
you are bottomless, topless and slide easy,
as you flirt with each gust as you make your way

"first snow thoughts"   november 17, 1992 12:50pm

in the paradise of my dreams
of you my thoughts are about
i become taken from within myself
the night becomes illuminated
the day unravels and i surrender 
to the thoughts (what) of you, i do
the coldness of the winters morning snow
chills the "all" of me...and i am alone
uneasy and nervously alone, i am
i feel you, the "all" of you
from within my fabric housed skin frame and 
beneath every pore of my being
i am captured again in the thought of you
of you, from my heart oozes the experience 
of that i am proud, joyed, just to have the 
part of the "all" of you, i am

winter's first storm snow is outside my window
hazy white images, frosted and falling to the ground
fogged and immersed in the thought of you 
the "all" even beyond the "all" of you, i am, even/beyond; even
the oozes of my thoughts are frozen, locked in the memory of you, now 
the sky gray, winter's first snow covers the ground 
like love falls the heart
yet sunshine glistens heart/soul emotions and the "all" of it, it does

in a sea of tangled emotions the horizon clouds swirl provoking
all that is above and below, the "all" of me
the thoughts that are about now; drift; 
hopelessly blackening/blue my dreams
and lost in the moment it seems forever, i become speechless, deaf
and blinded by my own eyes, eyes of that petal rose, i was
a rose in the nantucket rain, of mist, sea-salty air, sand beneath my feet
and the "all" of the breaker-waves white
and my thoughts become locked-frozen in a dream world that seemed so real
so moonstruck, so sun bathed, so careless of love and the surrender of it, it was


"i would"   august 1, 1991 12:45pm

enchanting song caresses deep breath
within moon beams silent eyes see
dreams bathed in sunlight warm the
measures of my soul/thoughts
i touch; yet: reach is to far distant; 
inches become feet and miles 
of the "what" of you
if ever i were of you; i would
if ever i were of you; again; what i would
if ever i were of you; again; what i would; forever
forever; if i were of you; i would; always; forever
if ever i were of you;
again
i
would

"flicker"   thursday, march 21, 1991 6:55pm

yellow throated, red winged, 
spotted flicker fly
quick, deliberate moves...
as you navigate close the sky
you dart 
your directions change 
in quick flash 
as you taunt 
(hunt) (capture) 
your prey
free you are 
as wings spread
to glide, 
to flirt with the air (wind); 
as you only thrust ahead
yellow throated flicker, 
winged, spotted, black and red

 

"rhapsody's";  4/26/99; 5:52pm.

rhapsody's of the tomorrow seem close and 
try's to emerge attempting to fill the void
and the "all" of life;  peeks out to show us
her beauty
i we stand there, speechless, motionless, searching
while the crying soul/heart wonders/seeks
and now begins its path to glimpse the distant light
that stars and universe are made of
and the songs of children brighten our hearts
and yes the giggles, laughter and smiles 
once again appear and again all with flowing joy
for the soul can reach the mountains high 
and drift skyward bound, beyond that, even
and now we enter the new horizon; or least attempt to 
allowing our bodies/mind/heart/soul, to once again be
firmly planted on the ground, and yes....
now we can see, oh yes
and now we can see even further...even further than far
and even beyond the eagles flight and the angels of our souls, oh yes, now we can see....
...and yes, once more again; the angels protect us and our souls are cleansed

 

"humming bird"   june 23, 1991 1:50pm

humming bird small, fast, lighting flash, intense
air quickens; flutters as you speed your way
to flowers nectar; then taken away
juices nectar sweet, your heart pounding, immense
with each pulsating beat
from sight your gone just as rapidly as you came
your dreams against the winds
your thoughts storm as you travel
and force the memories deep begins
begins that are deep into what it was
and the heart "pure" sweet as nectar 
(deep)...it was and was and was and still was

"places"   april 18, 1991 5:15pm

magnificent places
i took you
in the pyramids
of my dreams
we were barefoot
had courage
and did not suffer
our roads were broad
phantoms of the darkness 
and horrible ghosts slept
as the multitude of glittering
sun beams graced our hearts
all with the coming of  spring
we were surrounded
by fertile fields
and blossoming orchards

 

“i am the stranger”   jan. 4, 2002

i am the stranger you may never know
and still my faith in romanticism allows me 
the privilege to dream, to feel, to hope, to desire, 
to drift
to express my emotions that are deep beneath this frame
and wonder i do, more than not, can love, 
universal love that is... 
conquer all, deliver us to that place 
where the angels and the eagles dare to fly....
at least sometimes
for we all have been in the fog, the mist, the rain,
the cloudy horizons of friendship and of love 
and enjoyed the sweet smell of spring with it, around it,
throughout and above it, the sideways of it, the crosswise of it, 
the upside down and downside up of it, we have, beyond it 
and beyond that even.....we have.....
at least is seemed that way....maybe
and just maybe as the the skyclouds open up
to provide for the mellow golden sun to shine once more again....
i, you, we, the all of the.... "us"
may be the strangers you may come to know

 

“in the thought of you”   december 24, 2001-1:16pm

in the thought of you, i think of you, 
my mind tumbles, twirls, twists
the tears from my face roll down slowly 
drip upon my feet 
and humble me 
as if i need to be placing myself
upon my knees and ask, and pray and hope 
not to be taken again 
to that place of despair
i am immersed in the thought of you
putting myself in a place of romanticized danger 
as in the past
a past that almost took me 
and would have reduced me 
to the dust from where i came
my emotions unfold and crystallize 
as if the moon dusted itself off and 
the particles coated my body white
trying to purify and cleanse my soul
my body cold, soar and aching for what
i have not at this moment with you
the cacaos of my thoughts and emotions
eat through the layers of my body my frame
its' muscles, it's skin, it organs 
and it's soul/heart
burn and tare 
reducing me to a place of no where
and a non-existing self that trembles
fearing both the light and the darkness
upon which my feelings encompass me
circling me in the totally of it's pain
profuse these emotions are 
which drive relentlessly, incessantly
though the mere fabric of who i am, was
could be or should have been

"in flight" part 2;   april 9, 1992 2:09pm

in flight you are
in fields of the unexplained
and does your mind wonder
you the she hawk, you winged lofty air machine warrior
and you circle...black night in the gray of day
you are the jockey of the wind and survival is your quest
as you glide in the middle and side to side to the wind
your campaign in flight is the air road to your dreams
but do you bathe in the misery and intolerance 
in the race of time and survival
do you masquerade, disguise or have deception 
from what you see or observe from above


in the providence of your own heart, survival
can you not equate the difference
is the campaign of your flight so in oneness
and the wind makes your course undefined 
do you become scarred as the wind becomes your jockey
your wings spread, the wind pushes your providence
once in the middle and then side to side,
and you become nervous with each glide
the wind becomes the heart ache in the black night
of the gray day in the fields of the unexplained
and as you glide are you past the point of rescue
you stay quiet within the breezes of the wind and 
yet you must wonder....you must have dreams 
and as you, the lofty air winged machine warrior of the sky
you must wonder; don't you, will the sun turn to coal
will you spend the last days by yourself

"j j"  images   may 25, 1997

images in the moon beams
a light that illuminates 
the very soul of the earth around me....now
a peace that arrives, 
a tender, gentle moon feeling
the despair is gone  
life filters to the edges again and beyond
to feel, smell the sweet moon-white fragrance of you
i hold you....deep in myself
deeper than deep and beyond what deep could be even
i touch the face that brings me closer
feeling your language as your body reacts
jesus, damn you; your hands leave me and become 
away and tight
you achieve another place and someone put you there me you
put your arms around me...i say...for if you hold me
gentle i become once more again..and remember
i am fragile just like you, independent as you 
wet with the smell of you i am
and we both know that the moon is silent 
with all it beauty
and again the light that illuminates you
the soul of you
the sweet fragrance
now turns as i leave
to the next day    

poetry pages

1   2   3   4   5   6   7

Copyright © 2007 af works

alan @ afworks.com

home

sculpture / furniture / drawings / poetry / racing / webmaster