" two of a
kind " 07/23/2003 12:45 am
our petals touched
as the wind caressed our rippled edges and smooth centers
the bumblebee
pollinated us and spread our nectar upon one another...once
and that is not
anymore...not now
the sun warmed us
in mid-day
the moon
white-shadowed us
and made us glisten
the dew from the
night air moistened
our rippled edges
and smooth centers
once more
again...and that too is not anymore
not now...and
beyond that even
but..." it
should be"
and beyond that
even...damn it |
" where does
love go when it's gone" 07/23/2003 4:35am
you pink whitish
purple ringed lily of mine
you shine from
mellow golden sun hue
shadowed by the
moon I am
a moon that
dampens my soul
forces each breath
of you i take
to be immersed in
the labored thought of you
something in me
wilts and falls to the ground
where I am dry
coarse limp dull in colour not smooth and yet
think of you moist
intoxicating from within your nectar center petals
i am orphaned from
shine glistened emotional touch
of the souls we
shared and bridges crossed
which seemed to
span distances never before to have been reached
yet traveled
crossed and yet more than that even accomplished much we did
fathoms of much
and beyond that even we did
and now I see
these petals of my lilies not open and not colour-brilliant
but leaf-browned
and dead as they lay on the ground where I walk
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"weekend oct.
2"-l.4--oct. 18, 92 sat/sun.5:00 am oct 22,/92
adrift the green
glasses of falls coloured leaves
it is of you that
the ebb tides smoothly roll
and begin to
capture the tributaries of my dreams
your heart, the
beating of it, strong, yet afraid
i feel the turmoil
internal, that is your frame, within
and i
listen......and i watch you, vigilantly
it is the
smoothness of your skin
from which the
early morning light
turns to yellow-mellow-melted-cream
and i am taken
with a watchful eye, of you
back, i retreat
into the internal beauty of you
and.......
and when you kiss
my eyes that forces a calmness in me
............and you?
i am again taken
beyond the beauty, colours, tides and
whatever i
imagined could have been, with you
and the
tributaries of my dreams continue, of you, to flow
the petals among
the stems of roses....blossom
with the sweet
smell of the "nantucket rain"
breakers-surf-pounding
our minds, the shore
and the deep
tan/gray sands beneath our feet
"do you miss
me" i hear far, you say
do you miss the
mist of the "nantucket rain"
the roses of our thoughts,
the gentleness
that brings the calm, upon
the slow, but
mounting sea winds
forcing the
breakers white
as they caress the shore
and all the
thoughts that are severe with you
and again you ask....
"do you miss me".....
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"in the
wetness of death she kissed me" june 17, 1991
in the mere
wetness of death
she kissed me
from the blood
which came
oozed alone from
where her lips touched me
they did
blackened death
surrounded the tender
flesh self from
where deep she touched
air spoiled
reddish purple "dew" dripped
each by each
reached
the floor from
where i stood (brown and cracked)
captured cocoon webbed
unspoiled in the
world of
childhood love
(and cotton candy)
so very very
deeply i was
blood spattered
images of
memories
darkened blue red
my dreams
forever
the kiss of death
herself it was
as her face turned
sideways to meet mine
and greet me that morning
my dreams of life
flashed quickly
returned they did
to the nowhere
from where they once came |
"deepest
far" august 21, 1991 9:50pm
i was there
inside far from
the deepest of far
even further than far
deeper and further
than the deepest of far
further than the
furthest....i was
the furthest from
far is my mind now
beyond what even
attempts to be far....
beyond all the
beyond....i am that of the beyond
and i am taken
from the furthest of myself
and placed in the
all of beyonds....
i am beyond what
is known to me...
or what was ever
known......i am beyond the known.....
i am the unknown;
and far from that "even".......
i am
"even"...even beyond what "even" could be even beyond
i am.......
i am in the
moment.....the moment of truth....
beyond the moment
and the truth.
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"questions
death" june 20, 1991 1:30pm
my mind twists
turns and encircles itself
questions:
is it the she death
is it she that is
of death (near death)
is it the death of she
or is it more
simply the death of me
the black veil of
the she death: (will it prevail)
will it take me
will it rob me of
my youthfulness my dreams
when the she death
makes her fatal wound do i bleed
am i wet all over
from the blood from my mother's womb
is the act of
death in her room from her womb; are the memories
nothing more than
the tomb of the room and the womb from where she took me: is it
and where do i
return after the she death takes me
from where i was
originally conceived; i doubt it
a new place where
i have not been nor travelled in; i wonder
does the she death
wet her lips with the blood spilled from
my wound and in
turn kiss me with my own blood when
she takes me, does
she or does it happen that i, from my own wound and blood from my
mouth, is who kisses her and thwarts her off.....and time is again on
my side; is it?
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"fear
her" june 21, 1991 7:00pm
the phantom
rises---takes "her" place
sets herself deep
in the fathoms of our places
the real ghost
place is fear: the panic to stand alone and face reality itself.
if we choose to
live without her, then we live our lives without fear; in turn; we
live positively, not negatively.
the world seems
transparent; if that is so, then to overcome it, we should be able to
step through it and create the fulfillment of life itself. the
stubbornness is what causes us not to have miracles and does not
allow the blossoms of spring to open up like flower petals thus,
filling the air with our dew and fragrance. man is on the edge of
madness, for he complicates life: where it is of total simplicity
which he can not understand nor see and that alone is what destroys
and defeats him. in the highest order of society it is this "fear
of death," which is and becomes transformed into the "fear
of life." from the womb which we were born life and death were
synonymous.....either of which could have taken place; so then why is
fear an affliction? if the world is our living womb, the womb of man,
the total condition of birth, life and death, then why do we fear so?
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"seized.2"
october 21, 1993
it seized me,
swept-wing backward, i was
i dared not look
hot my eyes were
lust primitive
wild, fused
alone feeling, i
wept out
madness i thought,
for thought is no
where without mystery
suspiciously i
looked about
a sound was made
as i took a breath
and i was frightened
like fire the mind
came on
might it not understand
the sun became
motionless, dry shadowed
images black and
blued my dreams
and in my dream i
wept, profusely
and when i awoke
my eyes not wet
just my soul dampened
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“forgive me
now please” dec. 2002
forgive me now,
please, won't you
at times more than
not i leave myself
and alone i become
the mind and soul
with in me tremble and twist-roll
ebbing to the
breakers oceans white forming the tides
of the pain that i
have caused you which haunts me
for i suffer from
the purity that i no longer have
and lived a life
time to preserve and now it all returns
to the dust from
which it came
it is my
misunderstanding, the pure faults of mine alone
the intolerance of
me, the self indulgence of self of me and the unforgivable self
centered self of mine
not to have answered
and whispered
"yes......i
love you"
forgive me now,
please, won't you
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“i
have” dec. 25, 2002
i have been there,
i have tasted it, i lived it
and now i am back
not sure how, but
back from a hell
never before realized
my veins pumped,
my mind tortured
my body beat,
torn, and ready to collapse
because of what i
have done to you
and even more for what
you have done to me
i took you, i made
you bleed, before you did me
i cut you, before
you cut me
quietly slow and steady,
gently
passionately and forcefully
i drove that
harden serrated blade
steadily in to
you, before you did me
i dropped you,
before you dropped me
i watched your
eyes struggle to see
your last view
i felt the last
breath and beat of you
before you did me
i felt the warmth
of your inner self
as i twisted my
hand tight upward
then sideways and gently,
yet lovingly
putting you to sleep
as i felt you get
limp cold, before you did me
forgive me that i
did you
and you not me
for no one has
given me an answer
so i am just
asking now...why
for it was you and
not i |